The Food Confessional

Posted by Paola

I thought it would be an interesting exercise to document my experiences of trying to get professional help to lose weight.

#1 Doctor

In 1988, I got a referral to see someone – a psychiatrist, I think – at Leeds General Hospital. The portly gentleman was in his 60s and wore a three-piece pin-stripe suit.

I explained that I was unhappy being overweight and wanted help to either feel happy about dieting or feel happy as I was.

After gathering some facts, he peered down at me and said, “but you already have a boyfriend, why do you want to lose weight?”

I left shortly after, laughing, and never saw him again, but felt sorry for his other patients.

#2 Psychiatrist

I was able to see a psychiatrist at the same hospital. At the time, I was trying – but failing – to write up research from a PhD that had been cut short after some bad experiences with my supervisors.

The doctor was more interested in my degree than my weight problem and spent most of the time talking about how I felt about my degree. He said “I don’t think you’re going to write it up.” Until then, it had never occurred to me not to write up my degree. I didn’t, with no regrets.

On eating, he said that I’d start losing weight when I wanted to lose weight.

#3 Dietician

I saw a dietician around 1990. She said I should go on a 800-calorie-per-day diet and she gave me a meal plan. When I pointed out that I was a vegetarian, she crossed out the meat items from the meal plan, but didn’t replace them with anything else. I didn’t see her again and I didn’t attempt the diet.

#4 Nutritionist

In the mid 1990s I saw a nutritionist. I wanted to see someone I could report to regularly as an outside motivator. I felt bad that I needed someone else for encouragement but figured that the end justfied the means.

At the second appointment, I waited in the hospital reception area. Ten minutes passed after my appointment time and I just put it down to the usual overrun. Another ten minutes passed and I started getting anxious. Then another ten minutes and I started to feel abandoned. The desk staff glanced over now and then and I hoped they would chase up my appointment.

Finally, after forty minutes, the nutritionist walked up to me. She said she had forgotten about the appointment. I was very annoyed. In that moment, I realised I could no longer use her as an external motivator as I had lost respect for her and no longer wanted to impress her.

#5 Psychologist

During Sep-Dec 2006, I saw a psychologist on the National Health Service through my GP. I hadn’t realised such things were possible. However, it was eight months before I got an appointment.

At my first session, the psychologist explained that she practised Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. She said, “I am going to change your thoughts and that will change your behaviour”. After she asked about me and my life, she said, “we both know you’re not here to talk about losing weight.” She sat in a higher chair and I felt that she was in charge. I agreed with her, thinking that perhaps we could tackle some really big issues.

After several sessions talking about my relationships with friends and family, we started talking about food again. She asked me to keep a food diary, which I did. When I handed it in after a couple of weeks, she was incredulous that my reason for eating tended to be because “I feel like it” and not because I was feeling depressed.

(Note that I was buying a box of big box of specialty fudge on the way home from each session.)

I asked her whether it was possible that nothing in childhood made me over-eat and that perhaps my brain was just wired wrong. She said it was unlikely. I asked her about Paul McKenna’s approach of re-associating behaviours with good/bad thoughts but she dismissed it, saying that people should “heal themselves”.

In the end, after about six sessions, she gave me this advice about losing weight, in more or less these words:

• eat less
• find a way to distract yourself when you feel like eating

I asked “how?” She couldn’t say. I didn’t see her again.

#6 GP

Last year, in 2007, I resurrected the idea of finding someone whose opinion I valued that I could report to regularly. I really like my GP and so I put the idea to her that I would see her once a month for a weigh-in and chat about my eating. She thought it was a great idea.

I saw her about five times from July until she went on maternity leave. During that period, I put on a stone (14lbs). I was just thinking about food more and felt like a kamikaze eater!

#7 Food diary

I thought of an online food diary late last year. I sat on the idea for a few months and then mentioned it to my new American e-pal who also wants to lose weight.

As soon as I mailed her, I went off the idea. The idea of committing to it, having to face things, made me want to run away. But my friend loved the idea. I told her I’d gone off it.

After two days of her mailing enthusiasm and encouragement and me still resisting, she wrote, “maybe I will just do a blog by myself… Let me know if you change your mind and want to do a blog with me.” (See, reverse psychology by psychology graduates. Clever.) And so I, wanting to make it easy for her, set up the Food Confessional so that she could do it herself.

And here I am – the flood-gates opened.

Where are you, my dear American friend?