Day 1: Heavy Guilt
Posted by Ginni
I have been feeling guilty for not returning to my food confessional and this guilt is pretty heavy…and has started showing on my scales again. So, what better day to choose than today?!
Today is the 3rd day of my horrible horrible period, which is the first after 3 months, AND I had an audit at 8.30am AND its Jakey’s 5th birthday party. Hence, my headless chicken runaround started at 7am when I literally dragged myself out of bed and into the car! Did I say, I even fitten a haircut in this hectic day, somehow…?
Breakfast@ 10am
2 chicken weiners, 2 tbsp baked beans, 1.5 scrambled egg with about 1tbsp margarine (I have started heavier breakfasts to help me take my medicines. I learnt it the hard way!)
Lunch@ 3pm
Chewy granola bar (110 calories)
Dinner@ 7pm (Jakey’s party)
This was the first time I sat down after breakfast, unless you count the driving bit as sitting down…
1 whopper, with fries and diet coke – and 4 bites of Jakey’s cake. (way way less than a slice)
I was too exhausted to watch Wall E with Jakey at the end of the day and am too exhausted to sleep, hence the reason I am writing the blog at 3.30am.
My starting weight today is 238 lbs. Back where I started!! But I know, it won’t be the same by the end of next week :)
Day 327: Mucho stress
Posted by Paola
12:10pm Cheese and pickle salad sandwich + mandarin + tea
Afternoon drink: hot chocolate
3:45pm Brussel sprouts, cheese and sun-dried tomatoes in a lemon yoghurt dressing
8:15pm Veg pizza with salad + pint of fizzy squash
Mushrooms, capers, Peppadew, onions and chilli.
Yum.
Day 326: Sweet temptations
Posted by Paola
This is what was in the cookie jar this morning. Chocolate-covered oat biscuits and Lebküchen. They’re Frank’s. I’m not having any.
And, together with the cakes I showed yesterday, these are the rest of the biscuits that all came in this week’s food order:
- caramel wafers
- chocolate digestives
- “vanilla-enriched orange flavour crispy rice bars covered in milk chocolate”
- “plain chocolate mint sandwich biscuits”
- Swiss Choquettes: “meringue biscuits fully coated with milk chocolate with a hazelnut cream filling”
We discovered the Choquettes when browsing the Tesco web site. One of them is decorated with an edelweiss flower! Those are the ones I’d most like to try. But I am not having any of them. Nah ah.
10:30am Cheese and pickle salad sandwich + mandarin + tea + dried fig
Morning drink: pint of fizzy squash
5:30pm Brussel sprouts and mozzarella with lemon and horseradish yoghurt dressing + sweet spiced tea
I’m really liking having brussel sprouts around. They’re really just mini cabbages. But they’re sweet and tender enough that you can shred and eat raw as a salad. Here I just quartered them, washed them, covered them with cling film and microwaved for three minutes.
7:30pm Apple
9:45pm Courgette and spinach soup with mozzarella + coffee + mandarin + banana
Day 325: Late night snack
Posted by Paola
11:15am Toasted cheese and onion salad sandwich + clementine + tea
2:30pm Courgette and spinach soup + pint of fizzy squash + dried fig
5pm Tomato, turkey, cheese and pickle snack + apple + tea
7:10pm Vegetarian curry with rice
10:20pm Tomato, turkey and cheese snack + dried figs + tea
I only realised how late it was after I’d prepared it wrote it down. I thought I should cover it with cling film and leave it for tomorrow. I didn’t.
These are some of the things that arrived in this week’s online food order, along with six packets of biscuits for Frank.
It used to be easy this year to keep Frank’s stuff off limits. I’m gonna try to get back to that.
Day 323: Green spinach
Posted by Paola
1:15pm Tofu and cream cheese salad sandwich + clementine + tea
Baked beef-jerked flavoured tofu.
Afternoon drink: pint of fizzy squash
3:30pm Kale and spinach salad with sheep’s milk cheese + tea
5:50pm Vegetarian curry with rice + coffee
9:15pm Courgette and spinach soup + clementine + fresh coffee + peanut butter Magic Cream
How I am feeling
Posted by Paola
Sylvia asked me how I was feeling after my last weigh-in when I’d gained a pound.
I’ve been asked that question before, also in the context of having lost weight and, both times, wasn’t sure how I felt and so it got me thinking this time.
How do I feel about my weight yo-yo-ing?
Actually, not too bad. My GP had put my mind at ease and so I know it’s not something I am doing wrong.
How do I feel about my dieting now?
I’m really fed up with it. In the last two months, I have felt less motivated to deny my appetite – my wanting to eat even if I wasn’t hungry – and have knowingly over-eaten. But, despite a few times when I considered it, I haven’t had any major binges, most likely due to keeping a food diary here.
I am concerned that I can lapse into bad habits so quickly but I’m still careful about what I eat most of the time.
I mourn the things that I will not be able to eat if I want to keep the weight off.
How do I feel about my goal weight?
There have been enough positive changes that have improved my life, that reaching the goal weight for my height seems less of a big deal. I’m not so bothered about it.
I am wearing skirts again (knee-length with opaque tights). I feel comfortable wearing scarves wrapped around my waist, something I haven’t done for a very long time.
I don’t go “eurgh!” when I see myself in the mirror. I now look more or less as I did 20 years ago.
I don’t have any trepidation about seeing people again who haven’t seen me since I was slim.
I can now see structure (tendons) in my legs whereas before they were just big and shapeless.
I still have a big belly and biggish legs but now feel as if I am over-weight rather than obese.
I’d like to get rid of my big belly but getting there seems to be a different kind of journey.
How do I feel about losing so much weight?
I’ve been asked this a few times. I don’t really know what answer people expect, whether in terms of how I think or how I physically feel.
Physically – surprisingly – I don’t feel much different. Early on, I felt a lightness in my step – I called it feeling nimble – and that’s still true. I can turn and lift myself out of the bath easily. When I cross my legs, my crossed leg isn’t poking out like it used to because my legs were so big. I can keep up with Frank easier – he walks very fast.
As my clothes have become looser, I’ve given a lot away and replaced others with second-hand clothes from eBay. I wear a belt (Frank’s) on my trousers and note when I tighten it a notch. I’ve never worn a belt before.
My rings are all loose. I’ve had to move my wedding ring to my middle finger so that it doesn’t fall off.
I know I’ve achieved something important – something I thought that was unachievable by me.
But I wish that someone else was food-diarying with me here.
Day 322: Sweet tofu
Posted by Paola
1:20pm Apple, sultana, coconut and cinnamon pancakes with honey + tea
Made with white flour and oat flakes. A batch of 15. I was prepared to eat the lot. But Frank came when called and so I had 9.
4:45pm Brussel sprouts with cottage cheese and tofu + tea + fig + Custard Cream
Raw sprouts, lettuce and chilli. The tofu is beef-flavoured. It’s sweet and sticky, and too yummy to be good for me. I haven’t dared look up the calories. I bought three packets in different flavours from an online Asian supermarket. These are from the second bag.
9pm Brussel sprouts with sheep’s milk cheese and tofu + pint of fizzy squash
With sun-dried tomatoes and in a lemon, olive oil and yoghurt dressing. The sprinkling of tofu was purely gratuitous because they’re so tasty.
Flavoured dried tofu – I have found my nemesis.
