Day 228: A different person

Posted by Paola

9:40am  Chicken and Quark with bread + half pint of squash

I knew I was going to be having lunch out today.

1 serving calories protein carbs fat fibre
sun-dried tomatoes 15 0.8 3.3 0.2 0.7
Quark low-fat soft cheese 22 3.8 1.3 0.1 0.0
Quorn chicken-style slices 56 8.5 2.3 1.4 3.1
wholemeal bread 109 5.3 19.5 1.2 4.1
Total 202 18 26 3 8

We had a meeting at our former company, Limitless. I was last there four months ago for a BBQ.

When I’d mentioned in mail to Pippa before how much weight I’d lost, she’d asked if I was now skinny and full of energy. I said I still had two stone to go. When she saw me today, she seemed impressed and asked if I really needed to lose that much more weight. She said it was like seeing a completely different person and asked Frank what it felt like to have a different wife, all of which I found a bit freaky because, besides my face shape changing, I can’t see a big difference in my body shape.

I expect I’ll have to get used to such reactions from other people who haven’t seen me a few months but I find it awkward because a) it doesn’t seem such a big change to me as it’s happened so slowly and b) I haven’t done anything REALLY difficult, such as learn to walk again after an accident, or anything like that. Finally c) I’m just fixing my embarrassing 30-year mistake of over-eating.

2pm  Piccolo mushroom pizza + mixed salad + diet Coke @ Pizza Express

This Pizza Express let me have the small pizza from the kids’ menu. Again, the salad dressing was too vinegary to finish. The salad is otherwise 326 calories according to calorie-count.com

1 serving calories protein carbs fat fibre
mixed leaf salad w/dressing* 136 0.0 2.0 14.0 0.0
8″ mushroom pizza* 546 26.6 76.8 14.6 6.6
Total 682 27 79 29 7

At lunch, Jules asked how I could be sure that I wouldn’t put the weight back on after I stopped my diet. Although I told him that I’d not gained weight since January and that I’d blog for at least six months after I reached my target so I could keep track as I gradually increase my calories, I forgot the most important reason:

I can’t unknow what I now know about food. I will always have an idea how many calories are in things. I might eat too much in future but it’ll be entirely a different psychological experience than ever before because I’ll know just HOW much I am eating.

When I fantasised before about not being fat, I wished I could just BECOME slim and that would be motivation enough not to mess it up again. I still think – hope – that there will be some element of that next year. I am too old to want to take another year to lose weight again.

4:40pm  Frappe latte + lemon drizzle cake @ Caffe Nero

Ho hum. I was hungry again. I’m not sure why I thought I would have spare calories after a pizza lunch to have cake, and I’d had a muffin yesterday.

1 serving calories protein carbs fat fibre
Frappe latte (half) 154 6.9 27.4 2.2 0.0
lemon drizzle cake 252 3.3 37.4 9.9 0.5
Total 406 10 65 12 1

9:20pm  Tomatoes, mince and beans with dumplings + blood orange + pint of fizzy squash

406g serving calories protein carbs fat fibre
fat-free yoghurt 57 9.9 3.4 0.2 0.0
orange 62 1.2 15.4 0.2 1.2
beans, mince and tomatoes w/dumplings 192 16.0 27.7 2.1 9.2
Total 311 27 47 3 10

Late evening drink: pint of squash

Day 228 calories protein carbs fat fibre
Breakfast 202 18 26 3 8
Lunch 682 27 79 29 7
Snack 406 10 65 12 1
Dinner 311 27 47 3 10
Other drinks 100
Total 1,701 82 217 46 26
20% 54% 26%
Allowance 1,200 75 – 105g
25 – 35%
120 – 165g
40 – 55%
33 – 40g
25 – 30%

*sigh*

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3 thoughts on “Day 228: A different person

  1. That isn’t too bad, considering that you went to Pizza Express and Cafe Nero! I suspect you wanted the cake at Cafe Nero because you had had fatty food for lunch. That has happened to me before. (I think I read somewhere that our bodies crave sweet after having a lot of fat)

    Good idea, asking for a child’s pizza. I’ll do that in future. (Mind you, and this is a separate point – why do they always provide way too much food for children? I’ve noticed this before. There is no way Lucy needs/wants a 500 calorie pizza in one meal)

    Did you find the questioning a bit rude? I think if I were asked what it was like to be a different person simply because I’d lost weight, I’d be offended. Maybe I took it in a way it was not intended but I’d be annoyed that that person thought that my weight/appearance was the only thing important about being me. Maybe I’m just being over sensitive?

  2. No, I didn’t find it rude – Pippa’s one of the nicest people I know – I was just disconcerted by the ‘different person’ comment at the time. But, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not a big deal and I understand it. For example, I wanted to get a nose job to make it smaller but I realised that it would change my face so much that people wouldn’t recognise me – I wouldn’t want to freak out my friends.

    Pippa reads this occasionally and so can correct me but I suspect she was a bit shocked by the change and it’s just something that came out at the time.

    I don’t really know why I found it disconcerting. I think maybe because, no matter how my outward appearance changes, I’m still carrying around the same old crap in my head, the same baggage and worries and so, to me, very little feels to have changed; I don’t see what I look like unless I look in a mirror but I can’t get away from the stuff in my head and so that’s a much bigger deal.

  3. I would have been a bit thrown by the question too. I had to think a bit why but I think it comes down to the extra weight isn’t “who I am.”

    And now that I look at your comment, I think that’s what you said. Except that you are very focused on the negatives…

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